What not to say to your pregnant wife as she gets up off of the couch.

“Maybe I need to invent some sort of a Pregnant Woman Ejector Seat.”

I’ll begin by saying something embarrassing. Pregnancy has made me a little gassy. So far I think I’m being discreet but it’s still quite a burden.

So when I felt a weird bubbly sensation in my tummy on Wednesday, I didn’t think much of it. Until I realized that it was happening in very localized places on the lower portion of my pelvis. Like something was detonating tiny depth charges. Then I realized that I don’t have a submarine in my lower intestine.

That was the baby. Moving. Or farting in his/her amniotic fluid. Can’t really say.

Needless to say, I lost my mind. Finally the good stuff is starting!!

We had our second OB appointment on Tuesday. I’m 13 weeks along. (Well, now almost 14!) After waiting for HOURS to get back there the exam was only about 15 minutes. My Mama went with me this time. (I’ll let Ben tell you why. Don’t worry, it’s good!) The nurse weighed me and told me that I’ve lost a pound. I feel heavier so I was surprised. The doc said that everything is just kinda shifting and that I may have actually lost more of my weight but it was balanced out by the gained weight of baby stuff. She was happy and says that I’m on the right track. We also found out that I’m Rhc Negative. My Mama is also and it’s really not a big deal unlike Wikipedia says. (That article freaked me out!) I have to get a shot of Rhogam when I’m 28 weeks and after the birth. No harm, no foul. This also made me interested in what blood type Noodle might have. My Mama is O-Neg and dad is A-Pos. All of the kids turned out A-Neg, a perfect blend. I remember from biology that blood types are essentially a big game of rock-paper-scissors. Mama’s negative beat out dad’s positive and his A beat out her O. Too bad Ben doesn’t know his blood type.

OK, enough science. We quickly got to the sonogram. Mama had brought a VHS tape and now we have our first video of Noodle! Too bad he/she was acting VERY STUBBORN. Doc found Noodle lying peacefully under my pelvic bone. So she started poking and trying to get he/she to move. Noodle started and began waving it’s arms, spinning like a top and generally acting very peeved that we disturbed it’s sleep. We caught a quick glimpse of the heart, stomach, brain and face. Then Noodle decided that was enough and turned it’s back. So we looked at the spine. (It looks like beaded string!) Doc kept poking and trying to get Noodle to turn around. Noodle would turn over about halfway and then spin around to show us his/her back. That baby was NOT going to be moved. Noodle wouldn’t even stretch out to let Doc measure the growth! So Noodle already has a strong personality. It was mind blowing watching the little waving arms and seeing that weird alien face.

Ben has a lot to tell about and he better say something soon! Then I’ll give you guys some more wonderful news!

(after his laptop messes up again)

RB: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

(While he’s yelling in frustration, he waves his arms above his head.)

KC: Did you know that when you’re angry you kinda look like a Muppet?

OK, people. You have an assignment.

If you have ever been pregnant, then I need you to rack your brains. Think way back to that 9 (really 10) months before your child came into this world. Can you remember anything positive during that time? I need happy stories. Even somewhat-sucky-then-but-now-it’s-funny stories would be welcomed.

If you have never been pregnant, then you should call your mother now and offer her anything in this world in thanks for suffering through that 9 (10) months just to give you life. Every time I find myself hunched over the toilet or belching for the 10th time in a half hour, I think of my dear mother. (She’s feeling so loved because belching and barfing now remind me of her.) I feel so badly for making her do these things 28 years ago just so that I could grow up and not wear makeup every day like she would like me to. Of course, when I call her and try to get a little sympathy she laughs and tells me that it’s just going to get worse. Secretly I think she is proud of her grandchild. I imagine my mother hanging up the phone, gleefully rubbing her hands together and thinking that Sophie / Gideon must be very advanced to be driving me crazy when he/she is only the size of a golf ball. Ben has a theory that this is why grandparents seem to dote on their grandchildren more than their own children. Those grandchildren are the sweet revenge for everything that the children inflicted onto them. Next time, I’m calling Grandma for sympathy.

So now you have your orders. Use a number 2 pencil and make sure to fill in the bubbles completely. Tip your waiters and try the veal.

I know. I’m getting as bad as Laura. Of course, she has a 2 year old daughter to keep up with so I think she has a valid excuse.

My hubby tells me that quite a few people read this blog in the hopes to find out what’s happening in our lives. That’s just kinda cool. Well, I have made myself a goal to post more often and make it tailored to life happenings instead of random sports grousing. However, much of my life takes place at work and I refuse to talk about work on my blog. It’s just not done.

I’ve been spending more and more time with my lovely sister. She and I have discovered that we actually do have something more in common than sharing a mother. We’re both HUGE fantasy fans. Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Eragon and many similar others. We love huge worlds filled with dragons, damsels in distress, orphans finding out they are marvelous in some way, exotic locations, sword fighters, magical creatures and villains that you love to hate. I guess a lot of people have seen the money that Potter and LOTR brought in and found a way to join in. There are a number of wonderful looking fantasy movies coming out and some are based on book series. Erin likes to see the movies first and will then make a decision to read the books. I like to start with the books and see how well the movies live up to my expectations. Despite this polarity, we love discussing our upcoming flights of fancy.

I’m currently 11 weeks along and I’m starting to get into the groove. My belly is beginning to pop out and people are starting to notice. By the way, if you ever see a pregnant woman eating pickles, PLEASE rest assured that 6 people have already asked her if she would like some ice cream with that. IT IS NO LONGER FUNNY. My only serious cravings has been a massive love of curly fries. I usually don’t like them much and will choose onion rings or regular fries. But the curly fry craving cannot be ignored and I find myself asking for them constantly. (Mmmm…curly fries…) I have two more weeks until my next OB appointment. I really like her. She’s very down to earth and doesn’t make me feel like my first time mom questions are silly. She’ll be doing a sonogram at every visit. We should be able to hear the heartbeat during the next visit. I’ve also noticed that I’m very aware that my belly is swelling. Ben and I found out this afternoon that, if I lay on my back, I feel something start to drift into my hips. I get back up and I feel it settle into my lower belly. It’s a bizarre feeling and I’m loving it. The nausea is still there but I’m learning to cope with it. Laura, thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I have taken them to heart and to the Lord.

Speaking of…the Lord is doing mighty things in my life. Nothing to talk about yet but I’ll let you know when it’s time.

The dishes are calling my name and I know I need to go do the housewife thing. Don’t worry, I’ll be back.