SO! Were you surprised? BECAUSE I WAS.

Seriously, I was 99.9% sure that this was not going to happen any time soon. (Pill, shmill.) 4 years ago it took 10 months just to get pregnant and almost immediately lost it. I felt like I was the last person on Earth to have an unexpected pregnancy. I was wrong.

Ben and I believe that since we had so little (read: NOTHING) to do in the planning of this blessed event that it must come straight from the Lord. It’s beginning to settle in and we’re very excited. Ben is already talking to my tummy even though the baby is a raisin sized tadpole with no ears. I’m feeling queasy and tired all of the time. I’m told that this too shall pass. On Monday I’ll see my regular doctor and on July 23rd (9th week) I’ll see an OB. She’ll be doing a sonogram and hopefully we’ll get to hear the heartbeat.

This is surreal. But so much fun.

Kelly’s Inner Monologue from the last 2 weeks:

MONDAY 06/18/07
Ugh…I’m still feeling sick. That stomach bug really had a lasting effect.

WEDNESDAY 06/20/07
Man, I’m tired! I guess the iron and vitamins aren’t cutting it anymore.

SUNDAY 06/24/07
Gee…it’s kinda late. Well, I am under a lot of stress.

MONDAY MORNING 06/25/07
This is ridiculous. There’s just no way.

MONDAY NIGHT 06/25/07
OK…I’ll do it just so I can tell my doctor that I’ve eliminated that possibility.

Huh. OK, that was a fluke.

Um…SWEETIE?!?!?!?!?!

Something happened this week and I’ve been reluctant to share it with you, Dear Readers. I swore Ben to secrecy and threatened him with sleeping on the couch if he wrote one syllable even hinting at it. But now…I must come clean.

Let’s start by saying this. I’M A GOOD COOK. I have a collection of cookbooks that is trying to take over one bookshelf. I watch cooking shows. I’ve been cooking ever since I was a little girl. When I had a craving for baked ziti (even though I have never eaten it much less cooked it) I whipped up a batch without the aid of a recipe. My chicken enchiladas bring cheers from my husband. My slow cooker dressing is Legend. I can make a lobster stuffed beef tenderloin with a mushroom duxelle and garlic parmesan grilled asparagus with my eyes closed. So when Ben requested grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup on Tuesday night, I was confident. Grilled cheese sandwiches! Come on! CHALLENGE ME. After briefly thinking about making the tomato soup from scratch (BECAUSE I CAN) but deciding that I was too tired and just dumped condensed soup into a pan, I brought out the grilled cheese fixins.

OK, butter the outsides and slap a piece of cheese in the middle and put in pan. Easy.
(Sandwich proceeds to blacken and a not so great smell fills the air.)
…Why is it burning?
Uh-oh. One side is black and the other isn’t cooked and the cheese isn’t melted.
(Toss ruined sandwich and turn down the heat.)
OK. Pan is too hot. That must be it. Turn it down, butter the insides of the bread and slap a piece of cheese in the middle. Put it in the pan and…
(Attempt to pry sandwich out of pan.)
Great…now it’s sticking. And the cheese is still not melting? Isn’t that the point?!
(Toss second ruined sandwich and retrieve non stick spray.)
OK. I hate Pam but maybe these sandwiches only work like that. Spray the pan with Pam, butter, slap and PAN.
(Sandwich is nicely toasted but cheese refuses to melt.)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!
(Go get phone and tell husband who has a questioning look to SHUT UP.)
*bring* Erin? Hi. Don’t laugh. How do you make grilled cheese sandwiches?
…Yes, really.
…Would you just tell me?
…I’m doing that but they keep burning.
…You’re no help. *click*
(Husband wanders into the kitchen and gently removes the spatula from my white knuckled grip. Husband proceeds to make 4 sandwiches with no problems.)
STOP GIGGLING.
(Give the evil eye until husband is finished.)
One word and you die.

So you see? I came clean. I admitted defeat. I actually allowed Ben to come into my kitchen and cook. I think I’m a better person for it.

IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

I woke up this morning before my alarm went off and decided to just doze. I usually sleep on my right side facing the edge of the bed. Ben turned over and, while still sleeping, began to stroke my arm. Then he reached further and pulled me back into him. He kept softly snorning while he cuddled against my back.

Reason #452,536,645 why Ben is a wonderful man: Even while sleeping, he wants to be close to me.

KC: (I remembered something.) OH!
RB: “You’re unbelievable!”
KC: No…that’s not what I was going to say. OK! So, I made a list…
RB: Did you check it twice?
KC: (fume) Dork.

There are many mornings that I’m glad I ride the train to work. It’s usually quiet and it’s not very crowded if I catch the right departure time. Plus, I’m not that attentive of a driver even when I’m fully awake and alert so it’s nice to know that I’ll get there in one piece and not plow through the barrier on the highway because I’m too busy trying to remember all of the Golden Girls’ names.

Today, I read in my free blurbpaper that geeks are cool. It seems like people have been shouting this for years. It really got me thinking and I tried to remember when I started hearing all of the hype. I think it was right after I came back home. (1998) Computer nerds were starting to be a little more respected. Geek girls were becoming more and more interesting and kinda hot. “Geek Chic” was the latest fashion craze and had many people wearing some very unfortunate sweater vests.

I’ve been a geek/nerd/dork for my entire life. I never shied away from this label. Ok, that’s not true. 6th and 7th grade was really hard for someone that so desperately wanted to be a part of the In Crowd. That’s true for almost anyone at that age. By 8th grade, I had found my people and felt very connected and accepted. Even when I was faced with a new school or church I could seek out the geeks in the mist and get comfortable.

There are even different genres of Geek. I fall into a couple of overlapping categories. (Musical, bookish, fantasy/sci-fi, generally awkward, etc…) Honestly, people that can distinguish the different flavors of Geek probably firmly plant themselves into one with just that ability. There is also a false style of Geek that can really only be described as fake. (Or in the Latin, oser-pays.) These are the cool kids that believe that wearing Buddy Holly glasses and throwing a Naruto fob onto their keychain somehow makes them transform into a Dorkus Malorkus.

In your opinion, my dear geeks, what makes for a true geek/nerd/dork?

Last night, my sweet husband was having serious issues. I tried to get him water, cool washcloths, paper towels and fix the bed the right way so that he could feel just a little bit better. But there is still something that I need to confess. It’s eating away at my soul. Y’all, I have never heard such horrific sounds come from a human being. At one point while fixing the bedspread and turning on the fan…I fell over the edge of the bed and just giggled like a maniac. Because I’m heartless that way. It was awful and I immediately tried to wipe the smile off of my face. Of course, then another “BLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGH” would resonate in the bathroom and I could not HELP MYSELF. Baby, I’m sorry. I still love you and will do anything to make you feel better.

Thankfully, other wives have similar reactions to their spouses.

A horrible stomach bug has descended upon this house of newlyweds.  A stomach bug that had me believing that my death was imminent.  Monday was spent in bed whimpering while my sweet husband tried in vain to make it OK.  Last night was the worst.  I barely slept and wandered through the apartment thinking that my insides were about to be my outsides.  This afternoon, it finally broke.  The sun came back out, the bluebirds began singing and I was FREE!  Then Ben said that his stomach felt “a little funny.”

Now he’s the whimperer in bed, tossing and turning and asking for the Last Rites.  All I can do is hover and tell him that it’s going to pass.  Please send some healing prayers our way.

*sigh* I love Law and Order marathons.

Friday’s doctor appointment went well. The Doc and I are going to begin working together. I was wary at first about seeing a male doctor. I’ve always been pretty insistent about seeing a female. Men scare me. They’re intimidating. This is one of the issues that I will be discussing in therapy. But Doc reminds me of my grandfather, one of the few men that I actually trust. I think these sessions are going to be very fruitful.

Oh, for crying out loud…CRIMINALS SHOULD NOT KEEP DIARIES OF THEIR CRIMINAL ACTS.

On Friday night I met my girlfriends for dinner. I haven’t seen these girls in years but we fell back into that easy conversation like we always had. I have been so wrapped up in myself for years. I forgot what amazing friends I once had. I hope that this was just the beginning of many more get-togethers.

Saturday was spent at my brother and sister-in-law’s house. Again, I got to feed my almost 6 month old nephew and rock him to sleep. There is nothing I love more than a snoring infant clutching my shirt. My older nephew was in total Show Off mode. I love those two mooks.

ACK! FIN GOT SHOT!!!!!! I have a serious crush on that man.

Now I must go feed my husband.

OK, you people have horrible joke telling abilities.  That’s why I love you. 

 I’ll be going to my shrink’s office in about an hour.  I’ll be discussing my meds situation as well as how much the outside world is scaring the pants off of me lately.  This is a good thing because Mama is tired of me running around pantsless.  Even though Grandma does it all the time.  And the Pope.

 Tonight, I’m getting together with some girlfriends from years past.  I think this is going to be exciting as I haven’t seen them in around 10 years.  I used to be…well…interesting then.  My flag corps director described me as histrionic. I now know that I was just a little touched in the head and enjoyed taking it out on him.  These are the girls that know things about me.  Things involving purple paint, African masks and boys on message boards.  That’s OK.  I remember enough to defend myself.  Like peanut butter.  And Cracker Barrel.  And crushes on the voices of animated characters.