First, there’s the attempt to pee.

Gideon is a big and active boy and is very enthusiastically bouncing on my full bladder. In order to properly empty everything I would have to stand on my head so he floats to the top of my ribcage. Sadly, this is impossible because of…well, gravity so I am reduced to rocking and rolling my hips around. This seems to roll Gideon around like a baby-shaped rolling pin and flattens different parts of my bladder. I huff and puff and nearly touch my forehead to the floor while dislocating my already loose hip joints until I am vaguely relieved.

Now I sit on the edge of my bed and begin the Medication Ritual. I begin with the nasal spray and gag at the drip like a newbie heroin addict. Then I carefully dose out my 1 giant fiber supplement, 2 chewable Spiderman vitamins and 4 Rolaids. It tastes like I have a mouthful of sidewalk chalk in varying flavors of “berry”. This is followed by 2 anti-nausea pills so that I will throw up at 9:00 AM and not at 3:00 AM.

Carefully, I sniff to see which nostril is working properly. The left seems to be clear so I will begin the night on my left side. Methodically, I begin to stack my 928 pillows in the correct order and angles. Ben has finished his nightly rituals and is now watching me. I notice The Look in his eyes and raise an eyebrow. Frankly, he touched me 7 months ago and I’m paying the consequences now. He sighs and snuggles down into the 1/8 inch sliver I have generously allowed him on our california king sized bed. I gingerly lie down and position myself correctly into the pillow nest. The comforter has been arranged to graze my toes and the sheet is folded down at the proper 2 inches. I cover up my chest, leave my back open, arrange the corner over my ever increasing rear end and tuck my toes into the comforter. The pillows are blocking just enough of the two fans to create an indirect breeze over my skin. I pull down my sleeping mask and try to relax.

*poke* “Mom?” *poke poke poke* “Mom, I don’t like it when you press me against the bed.” *poke poke kick* “Mama, I’m getting squished! Plus, you stopped moving! I like it when you walk around and make me swish around in the amniotic fluid!” *poke kick poke kick KICK KICKKICKKICK* “I have an idea! Why don’t you get up and walk around a bunch to make me swish again. Then you can go and eat chips and salsa. Doesn’t that sound good?! It’s only 12:30 AM, Mama!”

*siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh* *THUMP* “Mama? Dada? Ah! AH! Babamadamaboodamamamamama!” There’s Sophie over the monitor, right on cue. It sounds like she’s finished her pommel horse routine and is now starting her monologue. How lovely.

*HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK* And there’s the 1:00 AM train letting us know that they are passing the train tracks.

*snooooooooore* Ben, if you don’t turn over then you’ll be sleeping in the backyard.

Ah.

Silence.

How nice…I think I can drift off now…Gid’s finally calmed down…I can focus on the white noise of the fans…this is nice.

*sigh*

I have to pee again.

I wanted to write this while it is still fresh in my mind. Already things are starting to blur together and I really want to be able to look back on the last couple of days with clarity.

On January 16th at 12:15 AM, I woke up to an odd feeling. I ran (read: waddled) to the bathroom quietly so as not to wake up the husband. When I set foot on the tile and turned on the light…GUSH. I was literally too stunned to move. I just stood there in a puddle for 5 minutes trying to decipher what just happened. I was afraid to say the words aloud because it meant that all of my planning was about to go down the tubes. I opened the door and called out into the darkness.

KC: “Oh my gosh…Honey, I think my water just broke!”
RB: *snnnnnnnnnnnnnnOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEE* “…what?”
KC: “I think my water just broke!!”
RB: *silence* “What?”
KC: “BENJAMIN. MY. WATER. JUST. BROKE.”
RB: *thumping as he gets out of the bed to walk over and stare at me* “Really?”
KC: “Yep. I’m pretty sure.”
RB: “…huh…”

That pretty much sums it up. We stood there for 5 minutes just staring at each other and waiting to see what the other thought we should do next. Finally I told him to call the doctor while I took a shower. After fruitless attempts to clean myself up and keep myself dry, I finally put on 2 pairs of pants and a ratty t-shirt. I quickly threw together a hospital bag - I wasn’t planning on packing this until the first week in February - and tried to calm down. We got a hold of the doctor who said to come on in and we called my mother who said to keep her updated. The whole drive to the hospital was in near silence punctured by us looking at each other and trying to believe that this was happening. Now. At 34 weeks. ON THE SAME DAY OF AN OB APPOINTMENT AT 4:00.

We got to the hospital and I was admitted into Labor and Delivery. They hooked me up to the monitors and began giving me fluids and antibiotics. I was dilated to a one and the baby was still very high. There were no contractions. I wasn’t in active labor but my water had broken. They told me that I would be staying in the hospital until I gave birth. They wanted me to keep cooking until 35 weeks and then we would have a baby. Ben and I were shocked. We weren’t expecting Sophie until the end of February. We were officially going to have a preemie. These thoughts kept swirling around my head. It was terrifying. Intense prayer and the support of my husband is the only thing that kept me together.

My mother and sister showed up a little after 10:00 that morning. When they showed up, Ben went home to rest, grab the many things we had forgotten and feed the cat. (Who evidently did not take too kindly to seeing only the “mean human” come home without his counterpart. She barfed behind the couch in protest.) My mother and sister stayed with me and kept me talking. It’s wonderful to have such an amazing family. Erin has been in and out of hospitals since she was 13 so we enjoyed this little odd switch. Around 2:00, my doctors and nurses said that I was still not in labor and I was being moved to the antepartum floor. This is for all of the women who are pregnant and are being monitored long term until they have their babies. Ben had come back by this time and we made it up there by 3:00. I finally got to eat and get unhooked from the monitors. However, I was starting to feel a lot of pressure and a little bit of painful contractions. It was nothing I couldn’t handle and the nurses said it was probably just Braxton Hicks contractions. Everything is simply amplified after your water breaks and they kept giving me mild medications. By 8:00 that night…I knew that something very different was happening. I could barely breathe through the horrible back labor and I was in tears from the pain. My nurses came and checked me again. Lo and behold, I was dilated to a three. This was no longer false labor. Back down to Labor and Delivery I went.

When I came back down, I found out that my doctor didn’t want me to have an epidural just yet. (I was begging.) She wanted to make sure that this was the Real Deal. I got a shot of Stadol that made me high as a kite but didn’t touch the pain. After an hour of that and watching me writhe around in pain while moaning loudly, they quickly decided to give me the epidural. My mother was back at the hospital and we were set to go. The epidural knocked out the pain and I fell asleep hard. The next thing I remember is waking up at midnight to NO FEELING WHATSOEVER below my waist. It’s surreal! It’s like a giant shot of Novacaine. I knew my feet were there but I couldn’t move them. Ben had zonked out also and my mother had gone home after seeing that nothing was happening. I was afraid of being sent back to wait again. I dozed on and off while the nurses made their rounds. Finally they checked me around 4:30 AM and said that I was dilated to a four. No real changes, no real contractions and no real reason to be worried. My doctor would be in that morning and we would talk about it then. My nurse reassured me that I could sleep and just relax. I fell asleep.

Around 5:15 AM, the nurses came charging back into my room. Anxiously, they began to check me out. The nurse explained that they had been seeing some wicked contractions on the monitor. The resident looked up and said with shock in her voice, “Oh my GOD, she’s at a NINE. Get her doctor here NOW.” Ben heard this from a deep sleep and immediately shot awake. We frantically called my mother and she booked it to the hospital. She and my doctor BARELY made it in time. They had me up in the stirrups, I pushed twice and at 6:38 AM on January 17th…my beautiful daughter was born into the world.

Words cannot describe what I am feeling right now. My proverbial cup is overflowing with the most intense joy I have ever felt. I love my Sophia with a fire that I can barely understand. I look at her beautiful face and I am captivated by the knowledge that she is undeniably mine; a priceless gift from God. More will come later. Keep yourself tuned in.

It’s getting down to the wire. I’m 33 weeks along now and I’m really starting to understand that this is going to end. Like soon. With a baby. A baby with fingers that breathes on it’s own. I’m excited about this and I really can’t wait to meet my daughter. There’s rumors of a baby shower on the 26th and it kinda blows my mind that it’s my baby shower for my baby. The registries are done and the baby’s room is starting to fill up. We still have to get her furniture and paint the room. I think she has enough clothes to last until the end of time and I expect my mother to buy even more because OH MY GOSH SHE GETS TO BUY PINK THINGS AFTER BUYING BLUE THINGS FOR THE LAST 6 YEARS.

Look, I’ll warn you now…the next months blog posts will probably revolve around this kid and her imminent arrival. If you get bored with me then, by all means, go read something different.

OK, I’m going to use this post to vent. It may be a little hard for some to read. In other words, Grandma, CLOSE YOUR BROWSER NOW. I’m OK and I’ll be even better once I get everything off of my chest.

My moods have been all over the map but it seems like I have the same reaction to any kind of stress. I have cried so much that I think I’m going to be dehydrated in a week. I wake up in the morning and I always feel sick. This is similar to my first trimester except for one small difference. Now I can almost keep everything down and then…POKE. Sophie kicks me in just the right spot and I yak. This makes me cry because I feel so out of control over my own body. Then I drag my body around trying to do laundry and dishes and I cry because I can’t d everything I want to do. I get too tired and I have to stop. I’ve been napping during the day because it’s hard for me to sleep any longer than 3-4 hours at a time. If I sleep too long and don’t get enough done during the day…I cry. Last night I TOTALLY botched dinner. I burned the chicken and put too much water in the rice. I had taken too long of a nap and hadn’t gotten to shower. I stunk, I had heartburn, the dinner was terrible and my wonderful husband came home to a basketcase. I felt like a winner. I have an awesome opportunity to serve at church during the week but I can’t do it right now because I can’t fit behind the steering wheel. I feel useless and brainless.

Then I sit down and I pray. I remember that God loves me and cries when I hurt. He puts amazing people in my life like my husband, my mother, my grandma and my friends. He gave me a church where I can worship and serve. Then I put my hands on my swelling belly and feel the kicks of a beautiful little girl that He has given us. He knows my faults and still trusts me enough to give me this wonderful child to raise. I stop crying and smile again. I’m loved and safe.

I went to a baby shower on Saturday for my sister-in-law’s sister. She has about 4 weeks left and she looks wonderful. They also just moved into a new house. They are settling in with their daughter and waiting on their son to make his appearance in 4 weeks. It was fun to meet other women and watch her open all the cute little baby things. I also have another friend whose blog I sometimes follow. She is expecting a little girl in March and just posted her registry.

All of this made me start thinking about when to register. I decided to start them online first and then visit the stores in December. My mother suggested that I register at 3 different stores in order to give people a choice. (If they prefer one store over another or they don’t have a particular store near them.) I’ve set up registries at Babies R Us, Target and Walmart. Now I’m asking for mothers to tell me about the baby items that you have found to be indispensable. Tell me what seemingly good baby things actually turned out to be useless. I would really like to make some good decisions and I’ve found that referrals always give me a good start.

For years I’ve found myself in baby stores staring at registry forms trying to figure out what kind of bottles my friends wanted. I’ve double checked and triple checked lines of numbers and indecipherable descriptions like LAY WHT SET JOG 3MTH trying to decide if I’m looking for a pack of onesies or a stroller accessory.

Now I get to go into baby stores for myself. I’ve never had so much fun.

My mother and I went to a massive consignment sale in September and I ended up making out like a bandit. I bought a bathtub, bouncer, piano play gym thingy, diaper pail and several assorted toys and supplies. Mama and I have also bought a good amount of unisex clothing. (Although she cheated and bought little girl clothes weeks before we found out about Sophie.) Last weekend, Ben and I found an online coupon and ended up buying a stroller set that is now sitting in my living room. Ben had a good time putting it together. Kinda. Sorta. Actually, he sat amongst various stroller parts yelling alternately at the Cowboy game and the instructions. He said that this has all made him really start feeling quite Dadly.

Seeing all of this baby stuff sitting around, having a valid excuse to go into Babies ‘R Us every weekend and parking in the “Expectant Mothers Only” spots has been kinda surreal. Combine that with the sonogram pictures and the constant kicking of my kidneys and it’s all becoming quite clear.

We’re having a baby.

Well, Noodle finally cooperated for the first time in her tiny little life.

That’s right. HER.

Sophia Sakura Dyer will be here at the end of February. She will be greeted by a happy mommy, a happy but slightly worried daddy and a grandmother who is foaming at the mouth at the thought of her first granddaughter. Ben is maniacally excited about having a girl but knows that he is doomed.

I’ve sat here for 10 minutes trying to think of something else to say and I’m coming up blank. We’re having a little girl. I can’t stop smiling.

Today is the 20-week sonogram. Everybody pray for a really showy baby. More later!

If you are pregnant and you insist on watching those baby shows where everything goes wrong and tiny preemies fight for life while their mothers have seizures with their contractions, try to pick the ones that DON’T take place at the hospital where you have chosen to give birth.

Those pregnancy hormones are really starting to kick in. I read stories about women bursting into tears, lashing out in irritation and getting depressed with no real reason or motivation. As someone who has had anxiety problems and emotions that always ran hot, I wondered how pregnancy would affect me. So far I have not seen a huge difference. No panic attacks, no crying fits, handling hard situations with prayer and a wonderful husband.

Last week my doctor told me that my blood pressure was borderline. She wanted me to come back in a week to check it out. I’ve had blood pressure problems in the past and she agreed that it was not due to the pregnancy. I went back yesterday and got checked. Everything was totally normal. The nurse asked if I was under any undue stress last week and I really couldn’t think of anything other than the possibility of drowning in laundry. I also have a sinus infection which could be affecting it. (Yes, Grandma. I got medicine and I’m taking it now!) Mama had taken me to the doctor and by coincidence my sister was there getting some tests done. We met up with her and walked down to the pharmacy to pick up my script. About halfway there I began to feel odd. I was sweating but cold and felt dizzy and off balance. I began to be scared but there was really no reason. Mama asked if we should go get my blood pressure read again but I told her I had to go to the bathroom first. I was confused and thinking wildly about what it could be. I locked myself in a stall and began to breathe big calming breaths. When that slowed everything down and I began to feel right again I realized what was happening. It was a panic attack. I haven’t had one in months. I willed myself to calm back down and go back out. I began to be more aware of my reactions and feelings. Everything seemed to swell around me and there were too many voices. Yep. That’s a panic attack. I got my meds and Mama and I left. As soon as we were in the car, it was easy to calm down.

It’s been so long since I had to deal with something like this. I used to be able to recognize the signs right away and use my coping techniques. I knew my triggers and watched carefully. Yesterday afternoon scared me and now I’m a little unsure of going out. I’m in prayer and keeping myself standing. I’m thankful for a loving God that I can trust during all of this. I’m thankful for an understanding husband who wants to help in any way he can. I know that I’ll be more than fine. How comforting to have no doubts!