It’s happened again. I remember doing this when Sophie got home, too. I’ve been marking time in 3 hour increments for the last 3 weeks and I’m exhausted. I knew it was coming but there’s not a whole lot you can do to prepare.

I just want to sleep.

Really sleep, ACTUAL sleep. I want to slip into REM sleep and not be jarred awake 10 minutes later by a screaming little boy.

I want to go to bed at 10:00 PM and not wake up until 8:00 AM. I’ve been so tired that I nearly dropped Gideon and I randomly stumble into walls.

I know it won’t last. I know he’ll sleep through the night eventually. I know I’m being a whiny-butt-baby about the whole thing. That’s why I’m trying to vent here and not to everyone around me.

Just ignore this. I’ll be fine.

Gideon began life in the NICU on Friday the 26th. He was a little lazy with his breathing and started out on a CPAP machine to help remind him to take good deep breaths. He has since graduated to nasal cannulas and is slowly being weaned off of those. He’s doing very well. His heart rate still dips now and then when he forgets to take those big breaths but he’s getting better every day.

He also had to have an IV from the beginning because they weren’t feeding him right away. Gideon has HORRIBLE veins and every IV the nurses tried to start blew a vein. They got it to stay in his scalp for a while, just long enough to begin feedings. I’m not sure why he’s being so difficult!

He has been getting his formula through a feeding tube for the last few days. They’re working him up to taking 60 ml (2 ounces) at each feeding. He is fed every 3 hours. Yesterday, his blood tests showed that his calcium levels were very low and his phosphorus levels were very high. They gave him calcium through a very tentative scalp IV and got the levels corrected. They went up again last night and the doctor made the decision to switch his formula. He called me and asked if I could bring breastmilk instead. It’s the best solution to this problem. My milk had come in yesterday and I was set to pick up a pump today. I went to the NICU instead and pumped there. I overflowed the collection bottles and had to switch mid pump! Praise the Lord, my supply is good! I had a really hard time pumping for Sophie. The occupational therapist came down and gave him his first bottle today. She wanted to evaluate where we were starting. Gideon took 7 ml out of a 50 ml feeding. She is very optimistic about the bottle feeding.

The reason he took so little right now is because he’s jaundiced. It’s making him very lethargic and he tired out very quickly with the bottle. He’s under the tanning bed now and is making a decent amount of dirty diapers. This should bring his levels down fast.

Basically, we’re looking at a domino effect. My breastmilk will level out his calcium and phosphorus. He will digest it easier which will produce better diaper output. This will bring the bili levels down and take away the jaundice. He’ll have more energy and start eating from the bottles. Then we get to bring our beautiful baby home.

Now it’s just time to pray.

Evidently, 34 weeks of pregnancy is all my body will endure.

Gideon Kiyoshi Dyer was born on Friday, June 26th at 4:38 PM. He weighed 6 pounds 9.5 ounces and was 19 3/4 inches long. He was born with a full head of thick, black fuzzy hair. He is the cutest little boy I have ever seen. Not that I’m biased in any way.

Ben had a bad day on Thursday and spent almost all day sick in bed. My mother came over to take care of me and Sophie. That woman is a MACHINE. She cleaned my living room, dining room and kitchen. Pantries and fridges were rearranged. She got down on her hands and knees and scrubbed my floor. I reclined, Jabba-the-Hutt-like, on the couch and tried to keep an eye on Sophie who wanted NOTHING to do with me. She wanted to shadow Grandma all day long. That girl is enamored with her Daddy and her Grandma and really doesn’t have much use for the one person who, you know, GAVE HER LIFE. Ben and went to sleep around 11:00 that night and we were both looking forward to a good, restful night to finish the recharge.

That changed around 2:30 in the morning.

On a good night, I can usually sleep for about 30 minutes before turning over or going to the bathroom. I was half-asleep but by about 3:30 I realized that I was getting up more often than usual. My back was really hurting and it was beginning to become a little unbearable. Ben felt me writhing around and asked me if I was OK. I told him that I really didn’t know. It felt like the horrible back labor I had with Sophie. But surely…I wasn’t in labor? It’s the day I began my 34th week…there’s just no way…is this happening a second time?! I asked him to call my mother, you know…the one who spent all day doing manual labor around my house and should really be getting a good night’s sleep, and ask her and dad to come over and stay with Sophie while we went to the hospital to verify that SURELY this is not labor.

We got to the hospital around 4:45 AM and checked in to Labor and Delivery triage. The nurse checked me out and said that I was dialated to a 5. It’s labor.

Yay.

After Ben calmed me down, the nurses tried giving me steroids to stop the contractions since my water had not yet broken. When they didn’t work, they called my doctor again who said that we were going to have a baby. While Ben talked me down off a ledge, we were admitted into the delivery room. I had never seen the rooms because we haven’t gone on a maternity tour yet. At least my bag was halfway packed this time and while the crib is not here yet, the room is at least painted. I also did get to have a baby shower. So, progress.

They checked me in and I met the most wonderful nurse in all the land, Suzanne. I got my epidural right away and relaxed to do some laboring. My family started trickling in 11:00 and I was fairly comfortable. My sister and brother-in-law were the only ones who were not there. They had flown out on Thursday to Padre for a wedding. Erin was NOT HAPPY. Ben’s parents were called but they were on their way to Greece for a tour and cruise. (Ben’s comment to this was “When Sophie was born, my parents were in Florida. Today, my parents are in Greece. If we have a 3rd, I expect them to be on Mars then.”) The epidural wore off and Ben is the only thing that kept me sane while we waited for them to jack it up. My doctor came in when I started going through transitional labor. I threw up and began shaking a lot. I didn’t do this with Sophie so it was a little odd. She checked me around 3:30 and broke my water. I was dilated to about a 6 and she estimated that I would be ready in about an hour. About 45 minutes later, the epidural wore off AGAIN and I didn’t know if I could handle the pain. It was starting to make me panic and I wanted to be able to concentrate on getting this small human out of my body. I convinced the nurse to let them up my epidural just enough to take away the pain but leave the pressure. She was up to the task and I was able to concentrate again. It’s a good thing, too because Gideon took his sweet time. I pushed and pushed and pushed until Ben thought I was going to burst a blood vessel. Finally the doctor got the vacuum out and gave me a little assistance. Gideon came into the world a beautiful shade of purple and was wheezing. The NICU team snatched him up and began giving him some help breathing. I had a couple of stitches this time and that’s making my recovery a little more difficult than last time. They cleaned us both up and gave me back my son.

It took me a while to realize that it was all over. I wasn’t pregnant anymore and my little boy was in my arms. He has my nose and my chin. He was a little swollen but was just so handsome. I marveled at how sturdy he felt in my arms despite being so tiny. His skin felt like velvet when I kissed his cheek. Too soon they had to take him away. I did not see him again until 6:30 that night.

He’s in the NICU now, strapped to a CPAP machine because of some mild apnea. His lungs had a little too much fluid in them and he was too tired to really breathe deep on his own. The machine makes him fill his lungs full every time he takes a breath. The nurses couldn’t find a good vein for an IV after poking him everywhere and finally got it to work on the top of his head. (Just like his sister.) They wheeled me to the NICU for a visit before putting me in my room. I looked at my little boy, his head barely visible underneath that CPAP machine, and looked around the NICU.

Another preemie. Another NICU stay that I have to take one step at a time. Another hospital visit where I will probably leave without my child. Could I handle this?

On top of everything, I was running a fever. I was in a lot of pain and I hadn’t slept in a long time. I had a semi private room which meant that Ben could not stay with me. I was left at the hospital alone, sick and in pain with a stranger who already had her little boy in the room with her. I could have broken down and I will admit to crying a little. Then I remembered that I was never alone. God put his hand on me and reminded me how precious I am to Him. He would stay with me through everything. I pray that everyone will discover this amazing peace and comfort.

I’ll be released tomorrow. Gideon is having the CPAP machine removed tomorrow. We’re going to try nursing and evaluate his eating. We need a lot of prayer but we know we’re taken care of.

Praise the Lord, our son is here.

First, there’s the attempt to pee.

Gideon is a big and active boy and is very enthusiastically bouncing on my full bladder. In order to properly empty everything I would have to stand on my head so he floats to the top of my ribcage. Sadly, this is impossible because of…well, gravity so I am reduced to rocking and rolling my hips around. This seems to roll Gideon around like a baby-shaped rolling pin and flattens different parts of my bladder. I huff and puff and nearly touch my forehead to the floor while dislocating my already loose hip joints until I am vaguely relieved.

Now I sit on the edge of my bed and begin the Medication Ritual. I begin with the nasal spray and gag at the drip like a newbie heroin addict. Then I carefully dose out my 1 giant fiber supplement, 2 chewable Spiderman vitamins and 4 Rolaids. It tastes like I have a mouthful of sidewalk chalk in varying flavors of “berry”. This is followed by 2 anti-nausea pills so that I will throw up at 9:00 AM and not at 3:00 AM.

Carefully, I sniff to see which nostril is working properly. The left seems to be clear so I will begin the night on my left side. Methodically, I begin to stack my 928 pillows in the correct order and angles. Ben has finished his nightly rituals and is now watching me. I notice The Look in his eyes and raise an eyebrow. Frankly, he touched me 7 months ago and I’m paying the consequences now. He sighs and snuggles down into the 1/8 inch sliver I have generously allowed him on our california king sized bed. I gingerly lie down and position myself correctly into the pillow nest. The comforter has been arranged to graze my toes and the sheet is folded down at the proper 2 inches. I cover up my chest, leave my back open, arrange the corner over my ever increasing rear end and tuck my toes into the comforter. The pillows are blocking just enough of the two fans to create an indirect breeze over my skin. I pull down my sleeping mask and try to relax.

*poke* “Mom?” *poke poke poke* “Mom, I don’t like it when you press me against the bed.” *poke poke kick* “Mama, I’m getting squished! Plus, you stopped moving! I like it when you walk around and make me swish around in the amniotic fluid!” *poke kick poke kick KICK KICKKICKKICK* “I have an idea! Why don’t you get up and walk around a bunch to make me swish again. Then you can go and eat chips and salsa. Doesn’t that sound good?! It’s only 12:30 AM, Mama!”

*siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh* *THUMP* “Mama? Dada? Ah! AH! Babamadamaboodamamamamama!” There’s Sophie over the monitor, right on cue. It sounds like she’s finished her pommel horse routine and is now starting her monologue. How lovely.

*HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK* And there’s the 1:00 AM train letting us know that they are passing the train tracks.

*snooooooooore* Ben, if you don’t turn over then you’ll be sleeping in the backyard.

Ah.

Silence.

How nice…I think I can drift off now…Gid’s finally calmed down…I can focus on the white noise of the fans…this is nice.

*sigh*

I have to pee again.

Today on the Oprah show, moms from all over spoke about mom-issues. One topic was brought up that really struck a cord. They were discussing how women are so critical of each other. This is something that I haven’t really run into yet, probably because I don’t interact with a lot of other women. The women I am around are either family or very good friends. This blog is not very well known and I’m lucky enough to have had no “trolls” or other not-so-savory people commenting on my life.

It’s no secret that I am a Christian and I am a stay-at-home-mom. I was married on May 25th and then found myself pregnant with a honeymoon baby almost immediately. 10 months after my daughter was born, I found out that we were pregnant again and this time we were having a boy. My husband is a freelancer and works at home. We discipline our daughter lovingly and have no problem with spanking. Now, because she doesn’t have the cognitive capacity to understand that yet, we don’t spank yet because we can’t explain why she’s getting a spanking. I have every intention of bringing my children up in the Church. I intend to raise my daughters to dress modestly and my boys to be gentlemen. I make sure my daughter eats right but I don’t have any problem with giving her a cookie every now and then. I keep her on a sleep schedule but I am flexible enough to realize that sometimes life gets in the way of a regiment. Ben and I have still not decided whether we will circumcise our son. We’re considering switching to cloth diapers for both kids. I hold my husband up as the head of this family and let him make the final decisions for nearly all of our family decisions. I follow God first, my husband second and my family third. I consider myself a submissive wife and feel that to be in keeping with God’s word. Ben and I have decided to let God decide when our children are born and He will dictate how many we have.

Do I think that everyone in the world should act the same as me or make all of the same choices? No. These are the choices I have made in my life and I am not ashamed. There are a lot of people who would have a serious problem with a lot of my choices. I have actually had people tell me that, now that I’m having a boy, that I should stop having children or at least wait longer to have a third child. These are people that I love and respect. I know that they love me and want nothing but the best for me and my family. Ultimately, the decision is mine and I defer all of my decisions to the Lord. I welcome opinions and advice and I hope that I accept both graciously. I listen to other women make a lot of choices that would be totally wrong for me but I understand that I don’t know everything about them. They are making the choices that need to be made for their family. I find that admirable.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that we are all different. The next time you feel the need to say something derogatory about another person’s decision, take a moment to understand that you don’t know everything about them. Instead of tearing them down, lift them up to the Lord. Pray that their heart, ears and eyes are all open to the Lord and that He will give them discernment in their life. Being a mother…heck, LIVING is a tough job and it would be a lot easier if we were more uplifting to those around us.

But hey, I’m not telling you to do anything.

Every time I mention that I am making these for dinner, I get about 10 requests for the recipe. You are all more than welcome to try this at home!

2 pounds of chicken (breasts, thighs, boneless, skinless, whatever you have on hand)
1/2 Cup EVOO
1/2 Cup Lemon Juice
1 Tbsp each Kosher Salt, Pepper, Garlic Powder and Onion Powder
2 Tsp Dried Dill (If you’re using fresh, then cut it in half.)
I never measure my herbs and spices. I eyeball everything. I’m just taking a stab at these measurements so play around with it.

Dump your chicken into a ziploc bag and pour all of the EVOO, lemon juice and spices on top. Close the bag and mush it around. Throw it in your fridge to marinate. I usually leave it overnight but anything over an hour is good enough. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees and put your chicken into a baking dish with ALL of the marinade. This is going to make a sauce so squeeze everything out of that bag! Bake for 35-40 minutes until your chicken is cooked all the way through. (No pink.) After that you have a couple of options.

Our favorite is to chop the chicken up and make sandwiches. Get some good pita and stuff it full of chicken, feta and hummus. Drizzle the sauce from the baking dish into the sandwich. You can also add lettuce, olives, tzatziki sauce and onions.

Put some chopped chicken into a greek salad with romaine, tomatoes, cucumber, feta, olives, red onions and a good dressing. I like Ken’s Steak House Lite Northern Italian w/Basil & Romano.  You can also tear up some pita into the salad instead of croutons.

Leave the chicken whole and serve with Lemon Dill Rice.

Have fun!

Sophie had a doctor appointment today. I got to take her alone because Ben was attending a lunch. Because we only have one car, my mother came over this morning and I drove her to work. She got to see Sophie hyper and in a wonderful mood. She adores her granddaughter and I think she likes us, too.

After dropping mom off we headed to the doctor’s office. This means that Sophie skipped her morning nap. I plunked her in her stroller and began feeding her a breakfast bar. She also had a sippy cup of her favorite smoothie juice. As soon as we sat down, a little boy came up and just stared at her. Then he started touching her. Then he tried to take her toy, her breakfast and her sippy cup and tried to get into my purse. When he started to climb into the basket of the stroller I stopped being so polite and told him to stop. Finally I heard a mother across the room lazily call his name. She never once came and stopped him but just sat and watched the DVD that was playing. (By the way, now I want to see Madagascar 2.) We got called back and I got to escape the little wretch. Sophie threw her first fit when we tried to lay her on the scale. She weighs 20 pounds and 3 ounces. We think she’s about 32 inches long / tall but by that time she was arching her back and screaming. She’s eating so much but is still very long and lean. We waited a little longer and got called back to a room. She was tired and cranky by this time and nothing I did could placate her. When the doctor came in and tried to examine her…wow. Sophie just lost her mind. He raised the stethoscope once and she screamed directly into it. He snatched it off of his ears but I think they’ll be ringing for a while. She threw us both off when he tried to look into her eyes and ears. It took two nurses and me to hold her down while another nurse gave her 4 shots. (3 in her legs and one in her arm.) I kept watching to see if a horde of angry demons came clawing out of her mouth to attack everyone for damaging their host. I’m pretty sure you could hear her in the parking lot. After that, I had to take her to another man to get her finger pricked. By the time we left, my shirt was covered in snot and tears and Sophie was still heaving with sobs. At home she ate a bottle and passed out in her crib. She’s up now and playing with her Daddy’s socks.

I should be going to my own doctor appointment this week. Hopefully the next post will be all about the new baby.

God answered a large prayer request and Ben now has a new computer. This means that I’ll be able to blog again. I’m very excited about this and I want to be here more often. Let me get my ducks in a row and you’ll be hearing more from me very soon.

Many moons ago, I felt a message from the Lord telling me that He might ask me to move away from my comfort zone and that I should follow without hesitation. The only time I have ever lived further than 30 minutes away from my family is when I attended Texas Tech for half a semester in 1998. Almost my entire family lives here in Dallas including parents, grandparents, siblings with families, aunts, uncles, cousins and so on. This is VERY different from the Dyer family who currently has parents in Indiana, grandparents in Pennsylvania, and siblings in Amman. God began to give me thoughts and later urges to move away from Dallas. I told Ben and we decided to keep our ears, eyes and hearts open to this possibility.

When Ben lost his job, we naturally began to look around for other positions. He has been doing some contract work and we’re keeping afloat. God has kept a roof over our heads, food on our table and has provided Sophie with medical insurance. He is faithful and continues to give Ben work. I have never felt the call to go back to work myself. God still wants me at home to take care of Sophie and Ben. This was hard at first because I felt a little useless. Now I realize how much I am helping Ben succeed at his job by taking care of things he doesn’t like and things that are hard for him so he can concentrate on his work.

For months now, we have also felt God telling each of us that He might ask us to change churches. We came together and prayed and felt the Lord leading us to Lifechurch.tv. Craig Groeschel has spoken at Fellowship Church before and we really liked him. We started attending the internet campus because there is not a physical campus near to us. It’s amazing how God immediately began speaking to us from the very first message. We knew that this is where we are supposed to be. Out of curiosity and while exploring their site, I found a job opening that seemed to fit Ben. I prayed and then showed Ben.

Long story short - too late! - Ben is now doing contract work for Lifechurch and has applied for a full time job. The job would move us to Edmond, Oklahoma. When we began talking about this possibility in August, we both were hit with a real WANT from God. We want to go to Oklahoma. We want for Ben to get this job. We want to attend this church and get more involved. We have been praying for this since the middle of August.

Now I’m asking you, Gentle Readers, to pray for us. The Bible tells us that if we ask for something then God will give it to us but ONLY if we are persistent and ONLY if it is in His will. We truly believe that this is God’s will and we have been asking persistently. Prayer is our mightiest weapon and we’re asking you to join us in this specific prayer. Please pray that God will grant Ben this job and send us to Edmond. Pray that we will have the discernment to see God working and follow Him even if it doesn’t make sense right away to us.

Thank you for your love and support.

While she can’t pull herself into a sitting position, Sophie can now sit up unassisted. She’s a little wobbly but it’s wonderful to see her sitting and playing with her toys. She looks more like a little girl instead of my baby. She doesn’t like to be held much anymore. She would rather explore the world around her. She doesn’t crawl but we really don’t think she will. She likes to roll and army crawl to her destination. Every time we look up, she’s somewhere she’s not supposed to be. Under the Jumperoo, the swing, lying under the futon like a mechanic, etc. She loves the TV cabinet with the glass doors. She seems to be trying to get to the things in the cabinet but doesn’t understand the concept of glass. She babbles ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY.

Since she was born early, I’ve always wondered when she would hit her milestones. She’s been early in some regards and late in others. I think some of it is her personality. She likes to do things in her own time. She doesn’t like to be pushed into things. I’ve learned how to balance encouragement with letting her find her way. It’s hard to watch her get frustrated but I keep myself back so she can work it out. I can step in when I see a meltdown coming but she gets even more frustrated when I try to do things for her. Sometimes just a smile and a funny face can encourage her to keep trying.

Every month brings new understanding about motherhood. I relish each new stage and look forward to more. It’s hard to give up some things, like cuddling her to sleep, but I love watching her grow.